July 9, 2013

LamBAtells: I AM (not) GANGSTER

#NP Dagrin - Pon Pon Pon

Fighting was second nature to me, not as a dysfunctional kid or anything. I just beat down lots of peers if the need be/I was never scared getting into fights. But as the years passed and I was crowned champion and had lesser or no fights at all, I would  go on to lose my 'liver' and reflexes as the case was or is.
July 21st 2011
Returning home from a sorta weary day...not home friend's place. I was swelling with anger and spite as I had been suspended a week before graduation. I was itching to take out my anger on anyone/anybody!

So here I was minding my own business and heading home in a 'danfo', must have been 8pm ish...I was sitting at the back by the left hand corner

At one of the stops, 2 fellas came in and 'lapped' just beside me..these were street urchins but young dudes, they reeked of of them still had a dark liquid in a water bottle.
At some point in the journey, this dark liquid poured on me...I was instantly fired up!! I started shouting and complaining...oh I brought the house down or bus as it were
These dudes kept begging profusely and even other passengers appeased me I was adamant and just kept talking...long short they got tired of begging me and told me off

LamBA: you dey mad? Why u go pour Shayo for my body? If Na my work place I dey go nko?
AreaBoy(s): Chairman no vex...abeg no vex, Na mistake
LamBA: why I no go vex? So make I dey smell of shayo abi?
Passenger(s): Oga leave them, Na so them dey vex
LamBA: @&$?!/¥£€>~|#%^*+•
AreaBoy(s): wetin sef! If you be olopa sef, Na sorry you go take. Abi you wan beat us ni
LamBA: I go beat una, una dey mad abi...if e sure for you make we dey go ile-epo
AreaBoy(s): (Lol) oya now

Ile-epo was my bus-stop, unknowingly it was theirs too. It was their abode as a matter of fact.
Conductor shouts 'ilepo', it was these boys that answered 'owa'
Oh by now I had sweaty palms and was thinking of escape...did I say I tried  to come down a bustop before my stop? Well, I tried.
So we all alighted from the bus and that's when I notice there's three of them actually...the third guy had sat in front of us and kept mute all through! Setup!!!!!
Sha sha, we are standing at the busstop and I think they see all 6feet of me and are somewhat terrified also adding the fact that I spoke some street lingo (some hood Yoruba things)

LamBA: oya now
AreaBoy: ehn, wetin you wan do Na?
LamBA: oya now (beckoning for him to come)

Looking back, at this point I should have just famz them and form as per 'awon temi ni hood' but fight just dey hungry me.
I crosses the road as my friend's house was on the other side, but these boys were from the other side
Let's call it side A(my friends side,where there are real houses) and side B(where there is a market and shanties etc)
These boys were from side B, we alighted on side B which means I have to cross to get to my side.
As I crossed and had gotten to the middle of the road, for some stupid reason I still beckoned to these boys. In my words, ' to ba sure fun e, ma bo' meaning 'if you are sure of yourself,come over'.
I turned and started strolling home when suddenly.......…

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I turned and started strolling home when suddenly.......…
I heard a voice real close behind me, 'Oya now'. I looked back and saw these boys, all three of them with one more person....I didn't need to tell my brain anything before my legs started. Lurching forward like the sprinter I was(I can't run) and as it turned out I couldn't run to save my life sef.
I started running, I looked back...they were five way I could let them catch freaking way! One was catching time I looked, he was already beside me....I dealt him a blow!!!! It barely slowed him down
Turning back to face my run, an okada rider swerved into my path, i had to dodge else get hit and still die.
I slowed pace to dogde the a flash, I felt my trousers been grabbed...I spun round and hit the dude's hands off and then.......

And then I fell!!!
I fell halfway into all those government dug drainage, those things can contain 5bodies upwards and 2bodies sideways.
But I didn't fall fully, I had my legs(calf down to feet)on the ground and my arm supported me on one side. So half of me was below ground level...which turned out to be my saving grace.
They immediately started to kick at me, the most furious being the dude I had punched. He kept shouting that I punched him and was kicking wildly...but my face and vital organs were half in the cavity of the gutter,so the kicks kept missing mostly...then I saw him run to go get a stick while the other dudes started shouting 'thief, thief, thief' ... 'wey my phone' and used that opportunity to dig into my pockets and made off with my things(card holder, money)...what was I doing?
I kept groping the floor so i didnt fall into the gutter and shouting back 'I no be thief o' before some bored person brings out tires and petrol from somewhere and *beeeeeeeeeep* flatlined
They let up for a few seconds prolly to take a breather and I immediately rolled,got up and ran!!!
My friend's estate gate was like two blocks I got there....all the street boys were there and I knew them
Immediately they saw me, asked me what happened I gave them a brief rundown and UP!!!
We were about to go to side B and go tear it down
Note: I had just been beaten and was tired much but still
So like real gang wars in Compton/Inglewood out there in Cali...there we were, marching to side B
We had only walked a bit when we saw them and advanced on them, sighting me... They ran off and we followed....they ran into a very dark area of the market(belly of the beast), we stopped following else be doomed
An okada rider that saw what was happening looked at me and said 'Na you them just ambush for that side abi?, see Na some of them be that' pointing to some dudes...true to God I spotted one of them strolling with a girl
Oh my days! Or oh his days!! The way I pounced on him ehn!!!! Dealt him some major blows before one of my own people took over and kicked him to the floor
Turning back and wanting to head back to our side, dark figures holding sticks started to emerge from the 'belly of the beast' we got nearer, the chase begun!
Oh my days now abi...this time I knew I had to run  faster 'cause my life actually depended on it. We ran through shortcuts with them chasing with sticks and shouts of 'ole,ole, thief' from them...I was scared and hoped no ambitious fellow would try and catch the thieves. We ran!!! At that moment I understood what 'running with heeling touching your head meant'.
Fast forward 30minutes later, I was sprawled on the couch barely moving staring at the plate of rice my friend brought me.
My body hurt in different parts plus I was extremely tired.
What lesson have you learnt?

1 comment:

  1. ANGER is a SHORT TERM MADNESS,therefore be mindful of whr u put ur STRENGTH to TEST(serves u ryt tho,wish u had in video than written words)....


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