LamBAtells: SHORT STORIES

Compilation of small stuff in my head. They don't have titles.

My friend hooked up with this chic, not like a one nighter...she was his girlfriend at that time. So day comes, she's at his house...romance...the room...she gives him head...he touches her...more romance...no sex. He leaves the room for a bit to go get drinks...gets back and she's crying...like practically weeping saying '...we have sinned against God..' He tries to calm her...she won't calm...until they both kneel and ask for forgiveness. They are not together anymore.


2012 started on a groovy note, I got to be in the same room with all the top DJs in Nigeria..think the name, yes he was there...a week after I got a call from Dj Humility that my friend (BJ) had told him about me...this,that...we scheduled a date to meet...we met up with his manager on the island. From the looks of things, I was supposed to A&R/run slight PR for his album...we trashed issues...I wasn't so articulate, but I didn't flop totally...from there we headed to Lekki(prest boat club)...he was supposed to DJ on a yatch so they were checking it out...then headed to Dj Jimmy Jatt's house after which I went back to my own house...the album isn't out yet.

This is about me by the way

My friend was working at a bank. He was on a contract. He never wanted to be treated less so he would always appear at work garbed in the starchiest of shirts + a suit. Drove a nice car too. As such, he was looked at like a 'big boy'. Unknown to him, a certain lady had spotted him. One weekend, some dude added him on BBM from work...mild gist...he asked him about some lady at work..he says shes cool. Another request, its from the lady...oh cool...oya now. Gist gist gist. They meet up and viola! Apparently she's married...one thing led to another led to couple making out led to blowjob + swallow. She then proposed hotel for the main nacking. My nigga ran!!!


This morning 8/12/2013, I saw something that made my morning. I had just crossed the railway lines when this man (traffic warden), very animated guy...started shouting "yi owo! train ti  n bo...oun ni yen! Ori e ni yen!" translated "Turn off the tracks, train is coming, there it is, that is the head". The train was still a bit far off though. Now two cars were on the tracks, the first one in front quickly drove to another lane, while the other dude had panicked and was doing his best to drive but his legs had failed him. By this time the train was already near, people had started shouting, the driver guy just panicked more and jumped out, leaving his car. In that moment of coming out of the car, a figure(hero) ran towards the car and attempted to drive it but instead found that pushing the car was faster (there were people/policemen around the car). I was just there laughing my ass off.


I was on my way to work, some dude passed me an handbill...a christian handbill, I collected it and for some reason I held on to it...boarded a bus, sat down. Turned out it was the dude that gave me the handbill...he said I could call numbers on the bill...blah blah blah. I made to pay my fare, and this dude held me back and said he had paid..I'm like ??? Is he trying get fresh with me? Days later, he's hitting me up on phone 'cause i gave him my number. I am yet to pick up.



Just checked my draft and saw this. Apparently its been there for about 7 months
This was supposed to be series of sort of humorous/cynical stories which i never got around to finishing.